Seven Cents: January, 2023

Seven Cents

Hello Beautiful Human People,

1

Did you remember to vote? I see by this month’s American Rifleman magazine (the paper kind) that NRA Board elections are happening! The Nominating Committee nominated 30 members this year… but “Voting members may vote for no more than 25.” So for five of you all, tough tuchus.

2.

One NRA Director candidate statement: “Helped wife form G.R.I.T.S. (Girls Really Into Shooting) chapter.” To be fair, there are only 19 local chapters, so maybe this was a bigger achievement than… well, advancing from the nominated group onto the board.

3.

My $26-per-year soccer fan club–the umbrella organization for the Rose City Riveters and Portland Timbers Army–is holding elections, too. Maybe it would help if one of the candidates was the “Producer and host of REALIZE Your Concealed Carry Fashion.” But then you would have to explain why REALIZE is all caps. Is it an acronym? Initialism? What?

4.

Both of those candidate lists came metaphorically closely on the analogous heels of Lunar New Year, when we freelance journalists must submit all lists for “last year” (or “pasintjare” as we say in Esperanto). So: My top seven list includes the following lists:

5.

1) Top Seven magazines to which I subscribe. 2) Top Seven books I read last year that you can’t buy at the bookstore where I work. 3) Top Seven astrological signs for which I wrote horoscopes several years ago. 4) Top Seven Esperanto grammar rules. 5) Top Seven movies I re-watched on the Criterion Channel while doing half-assed pseudo-yoga. 6) Top Seven movies I watched for the first time while doing half-assed pseudo-yoga. 7) Top seven people who died last year to whom I feel a totally unreasonable connection.

6.

Esperanto pronouns–like the non-gendered third-person ĝi (say it however you want; it’s Esperanto!)--fall into grammar rule five. Esperanto has a lot fewer rules than most languages–only about sixteen–so if Number Twelve* doesn’t make the list, tough tuchus! (*Rule 12: There is no double negative.)

7.

The Esperanto discussion is… a lot of weirdos trying to be reasonable. Even the NRA nominating committee offers one moderate among thirty: “Promote election / retention of pro-gun candidates from BOTH major parties.” Ain’t no way I’m not gonna rock the vote for that guy!* (*Again: there is no double negative. Thank you, friends!)

love to you,

Matthew Hattie Hein

rhymes with consign